Grisly Undertakings: Columbo

Today's Columbo was one of the newer episodes, made in 1998, and noticeably darker, but more tongue-in-cheek at the same time than the original stories. It was unusual in that it was set in a funeral home. Its surprising really how little you see of funeral homes in murder programmes. You may see the occasion funeral, but in a way death is almost glossed over by these shows, with it just being a means to an end, with the end being the process of detection.

The murderer was a funeral director. Not just any funeral director, but funeral director to the stars! He was played by Patrick McGoohan who also wrote and directed the episode. When I saw his name come up at the beginning, I was slightly confused as I was certain he had been in the episode last week, which I didn't watch. But it turns out that he has starred in no less than four episodes of Columbo. That's dedication!

The episode also featured a gorgeous bloodhound and a puppy (I love dogs even more than I love detective shows), a barbershop quartet singing about 'amusing' funerals, and a tapdancer at a funeral (bringing a new meaning of the phrase 'dancing on their grave' I suppose).

An ex-lover and television reporter (Blanche from the Golden Girls, typecast as a saucy Southern Belle with few scruples) threatens to expose the funeral director for stealing valuable from the stars he has cremated. He kills her and cremates her, putting her body into the incinerator instead of the body of a war hero Hollywood legend. He later cremates the Hollywood legend with some leisurewear retailer and makes some quip about double occupancy.

Columbo knows he did it (doesn't he always?) but is stuck with the problem of proving it without a body, as the ashes have been scattered over the Hollywood hills. But then it turns out the Hollywood legend has shrapnel in his leg from the war, which doesn't burn, and that is still in the urn of the leisurewear retailers. Case solved. Although I'm not convinced that this would be enough to convict, but as this isn't Law & Order, we don't have to worry about the judicial system.