In the Criminal Justice System, there are two...

The big news in the world of tv detectives this week was the start of Law and Order UK. The Dick Wolf franchise has come to ITV.

The introduction is the same. The format is the same. The incidental music is the same. The setting is London.



The episode opened strongly with two security guards finding what they think is a suspect package. They open it, and recoil in shock. It is then revealed to be the body of a baby.

The rest of the episode failed to live up to this dramatic start. Mostly due to the casting.

The cops are played by Bradley Walsh (hard to take him seriously, he's no Jerry Orbach) and Jamie Bamber (easy on the eye, but fancies himself so much he looks like he is fighting the urge not to eat himself). The lawyers aren't much better; Freema Agyeman never convincing although hampered by some awful dialogue and Ben Daniels being too reserved to ever excite much drama. Bill Paterson is the only one worth watching, excellent as ever.

The story unfolded quite predictably but then I suspect I may have seen the original episode on which it was based. Which is my problem with the show on the whole. I don't see what the point of it is. I'd rather watch the original. But if you don't have access to Channel 5 or the Hallmark Channel where Law & Order is shown, then I suppose you could do worse than Law and Order: UK.

The Begining of the end: The Shield

The Shield Season 7 is showing on television, which I should be grateful for as it has saved us spending money on it. This is to be the final season, bringing to an end my love-hate relationship with the show.

It was business as usual with the first episode with all of its hallmarks present and correct:

• Gratuitous violence – Vic poking someone in a bullet wound with his gun and gang members with limbs hacked off.
• Ridiculous Dialogue – “We need to make the Armenians think the Mexicans are the worst thing since the Turks”
• Vic and co creating more crime than they are preventing - (see above)
• Stellar bad acting from Vic (Chiklis) – worse than the dialogue are his angry silent pouts.
• A sub-plot involving Dutch that is much more interesting than the main part of the show - great story involving an old case and Billing's suing the department.

What I'll be watching

The OH bought me The Complete Morse on DVD for my birthday.

So that is my viewing taken care of for the foreseeable future!

Fair Cops

So which television detective do you fancy? Its a puerile question, but one that I've been pondering a while.

Here are my top 6 (I did have five but I thought of someone else!) that I wouldn't mind being hand-cuffed to! Be warned I have strange taste.

6. Jeff Randall in Randall & Hopkirk Deceased (Mike Pratt)

His partner may be the more traditionally good-looking, but there is something about Randall's craggy face that I find attractive. I also love his 60s bachelor pad. He's the one not wearing a white suit, in case you don't know.

5. Rebus (John Hannah)

John Hannah era only. Ken Stott is a good actor, but even I'm not going there. I think the Scottish accent holds a lot of the appeal.

4. Shaun in Psych (James Roday)

I've actually checked and in real life he is only a year younger than me (I thought he was a lot younger), so I don't feel so bad about fancying him. I find him very funny, which is probably much of the appeal, but he has a nice line in t-shirts too.

3. Mike Kellerman in Homocide Life on the Streets

I've already rambled about this before. He lunges from one crisis to another, completely out of control, but I like that.

2. Sgt Ed Brown in Ironside (Don Galloway)

Not my type in real life as he looks like he's stepped out of a catelogue but ridiculously good looking.

1. Sam in Life on Mars (John Simm)

I've alway liked John Simm, but put him in 1970s clothes, and its even better.

Style File: Jeanie Hopkirk

The biggest influence on my clothes at the moment isn't a celebrity, model or designer. It is the character Jeanie Hopkirk in Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased). I've always loved the fashions of the Sixties, but Jeanie Randall is a weekly reminder why.

She wears a fantastic mixture of shift dresses, mini dresses, pussy bow blouses and cute macs. She has great hair and make-up too. Perhaps a little too fond of lime green, but she can carry it off. Obviously it helps that she is played by the beautiful Annette Andre.

Today she wore this outfit with the amazing headscarf. Sometimes the storylines might get a bit predictable, but Jeanie's wardrobe is always worth watching for.