Fair Cops

So which television detective do you fancy? Its a puerile question, but one that I've been pondering a while.

Here are my top 6 (I did have five but I thought of someone else!) that I wouldn't mind being hand-cuffed to! Be warned I have strange taste.

6. Jeff Randall in Randall & Hopkirk Deceased (Mike Pratt)

His partner may be the more traditionally good-looking, but there is something about Randall's craggy face that I find attractive. I also love his 60s bachelor pad. He's the one not wearing a white suit, in case you don't know.

5. Rebus (John Hannah)

John Hannah era only. Ken Stott is a good actor, but even I'm not going there. I think the Scottish accent holds a lot of the appeal.

4. Shaun in Psych (James Roday)

I've actually checked and in real life he is only a year younger than me (I thought he was a lot younger), so I don't feel so bad about fancying him. I find him very funny, which is probably much of the appeal, but he has a nice line in t-shirts too.

3. Mike Kellerman in Homocide Life on the Streets

I've already rambled about this before. He lunges from one crisis to another, completely out of control, but I like that.

2. Sgt Ed Brown in Ironside (Don Galloway)

Not my type in real life as he looks like he's stepped out of a catelogue but ridiculously good looking.

1. Sam in Life on Mars (John Simm)

I've alway liked John Simm, but put him in 1970s clothes, and its even better.

My Ideal Boss: Lt Al Giardello

Watching Homicide: Life on the Street again last night, aside from my on-going adoration of Munch, I decided that I want Lt Al Giardello as my boss.

Normally senior police, the shift commanders and chief superintendents etc, aren’t portrayed that sympathetically. They are often careerist, obsessed with targets and budgets, and out of touch with the ordinary detectives.

Chief Superintendent Strange isn’t wholly unsympathetic to Morse, especially towards the end when they are aligned as part of the old order, which is rapidly being replaced with a new generation.

The high ranking officers in The Wire are a mixed bunch – Daniels and Colvin are good men with good intentions, but the others are a nightmare mixture of vanity, petty rivalry and incompetence – you wouldn’t want to work for Burrell, Rawls or Valchek.

Waking The Dead’s Boyd is forever shouting at his team but then he is conflict of those higher up, with the unit constantly under threat of being shut down. A similar cloud hangs over the department in its light-hearted counterpart, New Tricks with Pullman and her team of oldies under pressure from the big bosses.

Captain Aceveda in The Shield is a mess - ambitious but a mess. Not much better than his renegade strike team. His replacement, Glenn Close as Captian Rawling isn’t an inspiring leader either.

Nope, Giardello is the only one I’d like to work for. He’s far superior to my actual real-life boss in so many ways. He's charming but efficient. He's a family man. He's firm but fair. He's part Italian so cooks good pasta. And he can hussle at the card game hearts (far preferably to my own bosses miserable attempts at betting on the horses!).

Alas, I fear my chances of working for a fictional Baltimore police department are slim.

Happy Birthday, Mr Belzer

Today is Richard Belzer's birthday. He is 63.

Is that too old for me? Because I think I love him. Or at least the character John Munch, but I'm convinced he's just the same in real life and writes his own part. He's like a prophet in Homicide Life on the Street - he's already predicted the rise of the internet (this was made before it really took off) and the dangers of driving 4x4.

Alright, so I know he isn't good looking but he's got character. And he's been on Seasame Street.