Familiar Names and Faces

My aunt dated a man called John Kelly for years. He was a committment-phobic window-cleaner with an idiot brother and mullet.

This association has coloured my perspective of the first series of NYPD Blue where the main character is called John Kelly. NYPD Blue's John Kelly is quite different from my aunt's John Kelly, although both seem to consider themselves a hit with the ladies, for reasons beyond my comprehension.

NYPD Blue's John Kelly is also played by David Caruso, never my favourite CSI actor. Here he is younger and more carrot-topped (all that Florida sunshine seems to have lightened his hair). He is less prone to staring off into the distance, but he still fails to charm me and everytime another character mentions his name, I expect my aunt's former beau to appear.

Still this isn't enough to spoil NYPD Blue for me. Dennis Franz as Sipowicz is a tour de force and the supporting characters of Martinez and Medavoy are great too. And whilst it is not quite in the same league as The Wire or Homocide, it has shocked me a few times, and there are 12 seasons of it, which should keep us occupied for some months to come.

CSI Miami - Why So Popular?

I'm back on that question again. Why is CSI Miami the most watched programme in the whole world? What is it that people love so much about this show. I know what I don't like about it (I've mentioned it before). Last night I tried to watch it again in the hope of answering this question.

Is it the location? Miami does look pretty good in it, I'll concede that much. Is it the good-looking glamorous people in it? Do viewers enjoy seeing bad things happen to beautiful people in beautiful locations? Is it just a case of schadenfreude?

If CSI Miami was a colour, it would be blue. I was struck last night by how much blue there was on the screen. Not the blue of a flashing police siren or uniform, but the bright blue of the bright blue sky and the bright blue sea, and probably Horatio's eyes too. Surely a crime programme should be the colour red (for blood) or grey or black for the darkness of man's soul? Not bright blue. Waking the Dead wouldn't be blue (its probably a dark red). Cracker wouldn't be blue (definitely black). Dexter would definitely be bright red. Even Monk wouldn't be blue - I think it would be beige. But CSI Miami is definitely blue and blue is not the colour of suspense.

Anyway, even the bright blue was not enough to attract me - I fell asleep at the half way mark again.

Why I Don't Love CSI

I've tried, I really have, but I just don't love CSI and I don't understand why it is the most popular franchise of programmes in the world.

• I find it far too formulaic - I know that's a bit rich coming from a Columbo fan, but really does every episode have to have two separate investigations running through it?
• If I miss the first few minutes of it, I find it hard to keep up with which investigation is which - probably because of the next point
• I have trouble distinguishing between the investigators and don't have any real sense of their characters, except in the case of..
• Horatio in CSI Miami - he stands out because I can't stand him - posing with his sunglasses on, looking wistfully (I imagine as I can't actually see his eyes) out to sea
• Motivation isn't so important as method of killing. A reason will be given why someone has committed the crime but it isn' t anything in-depth - everyone is 2 dimensional
• Because the method is the most important thing, these are ridiculous - rarely is anyone just shot or stabbed
• They don't seem to liaise with any other specialists - no criminal psychologists etc - just forensics
• Back in the real world, it is apparently getting harder to convict without lots of impressive CSI type evidence as this is what juries now expect having seen it on television
• We had a break-in at work a while back and a forensics expert came to look at the scene - she was no where near as glamorous as the CSI teams - she was quite dull in fact.

I will admit I haven't seen that many full episodes as I tend to watch this in bed and fall asleep and I prefer the original series, then New York and absolutely loathe Miami.