Nothing but Ironside

Between going away for work, the Apprentice final and the football, I haven't had much time for detectives this week. That, and the fact that the schedules still seem pretty empty of crime shows.

Except for Ironside on ITV3 early in the morning.

Yesterday, I actually got up at 6.30 to join the Ironside-athon from the beginning. Five episodes (although I only ended up watching three as it turned out I'd already seen the last two). Then another three this morning, although I only got up in time for the latter two. There are another two episodes on in the small hours and if I didn't need sleep I'd be tempted.

Whilst I appreciate the extra Ironside, there doesn't seem to be any logic in the scheduling with episodes now skipping about between series without reason. I prefer the earlier series with Eve. I don't mind Fran so much, but I'm not keen on the later episodes device of showing you what is going to happen in the episode before it starts (it was a common device, but not one I like). Also everyone's hair is bigger in the later shows. Mark has a huge afro and mustache, Ironside looks like he's had a blow-dry and even Ed has more hair. Because the fashions are so obviously from the Seventies in these episodes, they look more dated than the Sixties' episodes where the main characters were more staid looking.

The topics covered in this weekend's episodes included; defection from the Soviet Union, vigilantes, witchcraft, and remorse over shooting a young armed robber, but the best episode was one where Ed had to bring a hitman back to San Francisco on a flight from Chicago. More screen time from the delectable Don Galloway is always welcome (he is surely the best-looking fictional policeman ever), but it was also another beautifully constructed episode. There was an urgency to get the hitman back to San Francisco as Ironside believed whoever hired him would now in turn want him killed. Sure enough this turns out to be true and Ed's task is complicated when the flight is re-directed to Reno and he is left to protect the prisoner, never really being sure who he can trust. Actually, the twist in the tale was pretty obvious but it was still well worked and there was more suspense than in your average show.

Unfortunately, this Ironside-fest won't last. It continues for the next few days, but will be over before next weekend, when there is no more Ironside at all. Next up it looks like a run on The Rockford files.

Cold Case, Cold Case, Cold Case

Today, I wasn't watching "Waking the Dead" nor "New Tricks", but that other show about cold cases, the imaginatively titled "Cold Case".

I've seen an episode or two of it before, but this afternoon I came across a new "on demand" channel that included Season 4 of Cold Case.

As I didn't have much else to do (I'd already been to the shops, repotted my tomatoes, read the newspaper and done lots of walking) I watched three episodes of it on the trot.

The first case involved high school kids in a mall massacre, the second a female Iraq war veteran and the third an urban miner. Each time the team interviewed several potential suspects, before eventually find their culprit, who each time was someone they'd already interviewed earlier.

I'm pleased I've found this series as there doesn't seem to be much else on at the moment and it is easily watchable. As the fact that I've just watched three episodes in one session illustrates.

Out with Whimper, Not a Bang: Inspector Lynley

I wasn't going to bother Inspector Lynley after the previous week's dull episode, but then I read that this was the final one. I felt compelled to watch it on the playback service. I couldn't let it finish without knowing what happened in the end.

The episode was called "Know Thine Enemy" and it involved abduction, rape and power games between husband and wife. It was mile better than the previous episode, but somehow I couldn't help feel that I'd seen it all before, probably on Law & Order SVU.

I had wondered how it would end, the show more than the actual plot. Before watching it I wondered if he might die, but as the episode progressed I thought being fired or resigning would be more likely. Then it just ended. They solved the case, justice would be served and he gave some reassuring words to Havers.

I feel cheated. I want closure as much as an American in therapy. Apparently, the BBC were getting rid of it to clear space in their schedules, although I shudder to think what new reality television torture that might be.

How TV Changed Cops

I can’t remember the last time I watched anything on Channel 4, so I was intrigued to find a documentary there last night of particular interest to this blog. It was the first in a new series on How TV Changed Britain and this episode was about cop shows.

It started with a section on Life on Mars and how many people believe a return to the Gene Hunt style of policing is what this country needs. From there, it went back through the history of the depiction of police on British television, how that affected the public’s perception of the police and what the police themselves thought of each show.

It wasn’t anything particularly intellectual and some of it wasn’t particularly accurate even (incorrectly saying Gene Hunt policed Hyde, calling Cracker a policeman and claiming Silent Witness was responsible for the rise in interest in forensics, which surely must be more down to CSI?). But it was still an interesting little history of British police shows.

Whilst Dixon of Dock Green obviously looks tame and idealistic by today’s standards, it did briefly raise an interesting point that I’d never really considered before relating to class. Being a police officer back then was very much a working class occupation and the standard portrayal of cops was largely comic, showing them as bungling. Dixon was the first wholly positive portrayal of this working class type, so although it doesn’t look particularly exceptional now, it was quite a change back then. This hadn’t occurred to me before but thinking just of Agatha Christie plots, the amateur detective (Poirot or Miss Marple) is an upper-class amateur, always getting on up on the working class police man. I would have liked the documentary to have explored this more, but it didn’t.

I also found out about a programme I’d never heard of before but that goes by the same name as later US show, Law and Order! The UK Law and Order was from the 1970s and was controversial in showing wide-spread police corruption. The real police hated it and demanded the BBC withdraw it, which they didn’t and then real life cases of corruption hit the headlines. This programme claimed that the show hit such a nerve that it forced the police to look internally and make changes.

Another interesting artefact was Police, a fly-on-wall documentary series with Thames Valley Police, again from the BBC. The police were obviously confident that they could be held up to close scrutiny and the show was initially popular with police and public alike. Then there came an episode about a rape where the interview technique the victim was subjected to was horrific - questions about whether she was on the game or (bizarrely) whether her periods were normal. This rightly caused outrage and apparently led to the police changing how they dealt with rape reports.

It was good to see the positive impact that television shows have had in the past, outside of just providing entertainment. Sadly, I feel this is happening less and less as the BBC is more concerned these days with chasing viewer figures than changing society.

Career Cases

Some actors' whole careers are defined by one role. Peter Falk has played other parts, but he is Columbo. Richard Belzer is John Munch, in a record breaking number of programmes. Others are celebrated for two roles; John Thaw was Jack Regan in The Sweeney then Morse and Raymond Burr was just as much Perry Mason as he was Ironside.

As I've mentioned before I love it when someone famous from one show turns up in another. But then there are those minor players who have appeared in a staggering number shows.

Take Richard Anderson, who appear as the father of drug-using niece in today's Ironside. He may have found success in the Bionic Woman and Six Million Dollar Man series, but his crime show CV comprises:

• Columbo
• Hawaii 5-0
• The Streets of San Francisco
• Perry Mason
• Barnaby Jones
• Charlie's Angels
• Nero Wolfe
• Knight Rider
• A Team
• Hardcastle and McCormick
• Simon & Simon
• Murder She Wrote
• and five episodes of Ironside, each time as a different character.

Then there is Robert Lipton, who played the would-be murderer in the episode "One Hour to Kill". He has appeared in the following:

• The D.A.
• The Mod Squad
• Police Story
• 21 Jump Street
• Murder She Wrote (in three episodes as different characters)
• LA Law
• The District
• Without a Trace
• and two episodes of Ironside (again as different characters)

Just by following the careers of these minor characters, I could fill up my schedule for months (if only I had access to all those old shows).

Its Family Affair: Ironside

The two episodes of Ironside I watched this morning were from Season 2, which is strange because the last episode I saw was from Season 3. Both episodes involved family members of the team, but they couldn't have been more different.

The first episode "Up, Down and Even" involved Eve's niece being arrested for drug possession. What followed was a diatribe on the dangers of drugs, but it was so dated that even the dangers didn't seem quite so dangerous. One boy sleeps a lot in class, another doesn't do athletics anymore, a group of girls skip school to lounge around giggling - I'm sure teachers and police today wish that drug problems were so innocent.

The language too was dated. Kids were being "turned on" to marijuna use, which was "groovy". One "drug fiend" even used the phrase "better living through chemistry". There was a soundtrack of ethreal beauty about lost causes including B J Baker's "Melody Man" and despite the obvious anti-drug message of the episode, it didn't seem that far away from 60's exploitation films like "The Trip".

Next episode saw a complete change of pace. "Why the Tuesday Afternoon Bridge Club Met on a Thursday" had a lighthearted feel to it in comparison with the previous episode, which is bizarre considering this episode involved a murder and the last just involved a bit of cannabis. The family member this time was Ironside's aunt, a prominent member of the Bridge Club. When one of her bridge friends disappears, the aunt suspects foul play and has Ironside investigate, but she and her cronies can't help but get involved. The husband, it turns out, has a bit of a Crippen complex, but in case we should ever find it too gruesome, there is bouncy incidental music to keep things jaunty.

Lynley returns

I watched the latest Inspector Lynley Mystery on playback last night because there really wasn't much else on.

Lynley is still foppishly good looking, but plot was still paper thin. The son of a posh family, old friends of Lynley naturally, goes missing. Fast forward 12 years (although most of them don't really look to have aged that much) and his body is found. Lynley persuades his sister to return from Rome for the funeral, and "accidentally" ends up bedding her. She is then found splattered on the pavement and our hero finds himself a suspect.

Of course, we know it wasn't him, but he has to find out who it was. Unfortunately, there is never any real sense that Lynley might really get charged with it (this is afterall the start of a new series) so there is no dramatic tension. The final "twist" whilst being fairly obvious, didn't make much sense in terms of motivation.

The 10 minute chase scene through Rome must have been great for the actors and crew but didn't add anything for the viewer. The whole thing could surely have been wrapped up in 60 minutes rather than drawn out to 90.

Song of the Week: Gram Parsons and Emmy Lou Harris "Streets of Baltimore"

Since I've watched nothing but Homicide and The Wire this week, it seems only fitting that I pick a Baltimore song.

It isn't anything to do with detectives, but like The Wire and Homicide Life on the Streets, it is about the streets of Baltimore.

And its by Gram Parsons, the acceptable face of country music, the grandfather of alt-country, the pioneer of country/rock fusions etc etc etc. Actually the older I get the more country music I like, but Gram Parsons was one of the first country-ish artists that I liked.

Cross-referencing

I take great pleasure from seeing actors I know from certain crime shows popping up in others. Law & Order is particularly good for this.

Last night in an episode of Homicide, I encountered something I like even more but that happens less frequently:

Crime shows mentioning other crime shows

In this episode, "Abduction", it is suggested that the police use a hypnotist to get more information out of a child witness. Falsone is unconvinced, but Giardello says "At this point, I'd even use that woman from Profiler".

Genius!

Homicide: The Subway

Continuing watching Homicide, we reach an episode entitled "The Subway".

This may be one of the most traumatic things I've seen on the television.

A man is pushed into the path on an oncoming subway train and is trapped between the train and the platform. He is alive but his spinal cord has been severed and he can't feel his legs. The trains needs to be lifted away from him so that he can be pulled out. But once he is moved, his heart will stop in 30 seconds and it is a 5 minute journey to the hospital. There may a million to one chance of survival, but this Homocide, it doesn't do miracles or fairytale endings.

Into this situation comes Frank Pembleton, a murder police faced with a victim who is still alive but who knows he will die soon. Bayliss interviews the suspect, Lewis searches for the victims girlfriend, but the episode is mainly a two-header with Pembleton and the dying man. The big questions about life and death have never been so urgent.

The man (played exceptionally by Vincent D'Onofrio before he was in Criminal Intent) is no simpering victim. He is angry with life, with the world, with the twist of fate that has led to this and Frank Pembleton is his friend in his last minutes.

In the past week, I've been to the theatre twice and the cinema once, yet here it has been this, on the small screen, a medium often derided as low-brow, that has left the biggest impression on me.

I read recently that the average Londoner will spend 5 years commuting during their lifetime. Travel safely.

Another Quirky Detective

I just saw an episode of Pushing Daisies. I'd not seen it before and had no idea that it featured a detective. Not just any detective, but a knitting detective by the name of Emerson Cod.

The episode was called "Smell of Success" and involved the death of a woman by the means of an exploding scratch & sniff book.

I don't mind a bit of quirky and kooky but this was too much. It was all too quirky and all too kooky and all so sickly sweet. I like things with a bit more grit.

Of course, I have been known to completely change my mind about programmes (Psych and Ironside for example) but I'm not sure it will happen with this one.

Early Morning Ironside

Despite it being Sunday and the day of rest, I woke up at 6.50 this morning and watched Ironside. Actually I'd had trouble sleeping all night so I thought I may as well capitalise on it and watch Ironside while I was awake.

Today's episode had William Shatner as the Special Guest Star. He played a criminal who was in prison after Ironside had persuaded him to turn himself in, but now his wife had been murdered, leaving his son alone. There was nothing wrong with the plot but Shatner was his usual hammy self. I don't understand how he managed to get work as an actor. This rather marred the episode for me.

I watched another episode of it yesterday morning, which was much better. Ironside was alone at home as Mark was at his evening class and Ed and Eve were at the opera. He received a threatening phone call, saying he had an hour to live (the episode was called "One Hour to Kill"). Tension was built up as the episode moved between Ironside anticipating his fate, Ed convinced something wasn't quite right and Mark struggling with some detail in his mind, trying to place its significance. There was suspense, but also a discourse on perception, guilt and the human mind.

Besides the drama, there were also moments of levity involving Ed's inability to understand opera and a pessimistic pizza maker. It really was a great episode which made it worse that it was then followed by today's Shatner ruined effort.

Tumbleweed

There have been no posts for a while because I've been very busy and unfortunately not watching much in the way of detectives. I've had a hectic time at work and I'd have liked nothing more than unwinding in front of a good murder or two, but there hasn't been much on recently. So my viewing of late has mainly consisted of rewatching The Wire and I'm not sure I've much more to say on that topic at the moment.

But we are now in possession of Season 5 of Homicide which should keep me entertained for the coming week.

Quote of the Week: PD James

What the detective story is about is not murder but the restoration of order.

P. D. James

Sunday Schedule

The Hallmark Channel isn’t scheduling quite so many detective programmes at the weekend at the moment. I spent Saturday gardening in the garden (where else?). And I’ve actually had some semblance of a social life recently (even if that did include watching darts!). These things have conspired to mean that I’ve not been watching as many shows as usual. But the exception to this is Sunday night. I’ve settled into quite a nice little routine of viewing on a Sunday.

Psych – I feel thoroughly ashamed that I was so harsh on this when I first saw it as I really like it now and wish I could watch it more often than once a week. The settings of the last few episodes have been; a Spanish soap opera, a Lodge and a fashion party. Each one has brought with it ridiculous jokes. Unfortunately, it looks like this week’s is the last episode of the second series. I feel that I may need to buy the first series on DVD soon. I may have a little bit of a crush of the main character, Shawn.

Law & Order – I don’t go out of my way to watch this anymore but on Sunday it fills a hole in my schedule. Despite my dislike of Sam Waterston, it is still usually believable and well-written.

Dexter – Again I have to retract my earlier reservations about this show. I’ve been gripped by it for the past few weeks. First they thought they had the Ice Truck Killer. Then they realised they didn’t. Now we know that it is Dexter’s sister’s boyfriend. But they don’t know that. There is also some new twist involving Dexter’s biological father.

Song of the Week: New Order "Thieves Like Us"

I'll confess that this song has nothing to do with crime at all. It has the word "thieves" in the title, but nowhere in the song. It is a song about love actually (aren't most songs?). But it is by New Order and its great.

Style File: Waking the Dead

Waking the Dead returned this week with its seventh series. It hasn’t really been that good since the end of the fourth series. The sixth series was particularly lame and this one isn’t looking any better.

“The Shouty Man” (Trevor Eve as Superintendent Boyd) is still shouting his way through every episode but with the added tension of him looking for his estranged son. The plot in the first two episodes was a credibility stretching yarn involving various terrorists groups, plus some thoughts on the nature of parenthood.

Besides the poor quality of the plots though, the thing that has started to annoy me in the more recent series is the clothes worn by the team. They are far too well dressed to be realistic. I know there are probably plenty of stylish detectives out there and I don’t believe that they must be in the Columbo/Frost scuffy model, but really, this lots look like they’ve taken far too much time over their appearance.

Spence is probably dressed by Paul Smith, always looks sharp and is bizarrely looking younger with each passing series. Stella is the epitome of French chic and is probably dressed by Agnes B. Dr Grace Foley, with her coloured knits and statement necklaces, looks like she’s had a makeover with Trinny and Susannah. Even Boyd, a man racked with guilt, anger and aggression, still finds time to buy suits that aren’t from M&S.

It just doesn’t seem realistic. Surely it is odd for a whole department to be this well-dressed? Not even the CSI teams are this universally well-groomed.

Ironside Triple

I didn't quite make it up in time for the Rockford Files double, but I did see the triple-bill of Ironside.

I still have reservations about some things in Ironside - the portrayal of women is old-fashioned and its inclusion of a black character tokenistic - but I think it was probably quite progressive in its day.

Having watched more of it now, I do like the tone of the show. It is pretty bleak stuff. The mood is resolutely sombre, the sun rarely shines in this San Francisco and the streets are unfriendly. This is not the sort of outlook I would generally associate with the 60s and 70s. This is the flipside of free love generation - the fear of the crumbling of society. A world that is in moral danger of falling apart. And in that respect it feels pretty modern.

Today's trio of episodes were on the following subjects:

• Illegal abortion
• Bomb threats on campus
• Con men

A variety of topics, but all covered with upmost seriousness.

I noticed the character of Eve Whitfield (played by Barbara Anderson) more in these episodes. She is not just some blonde. She is a Hitchcock Blonde transplanted into television. She has the icy beauty that belies vulnerability. The first two episodes were the final ones from Season 2, the third was the start of the third season, which was the last series with Eve Whitfield and I think she will be hard to replace.

Wot No Detectives?

I've not managed to watch any detective all week. I'm feeling anxious. I've had an exhausting week and the OH is out tonight, so was looking forward to a bit of mindless viewing. But there is nothing on!

Of course, I don't mean the channels have all stopped transmitting (although our providers, Tiscali are more than a bit rubbish. I mean there aren't any detective programmes on for me to watch. Hallmark (the home of the detective) has Jericho on which is sci-fi. There are various Law & Orders on later but I think I've seen them all already. Most disappointing.

Perhaps I should have an early night so I can get up at 6am for a double-bill of Rockford Files, followed by by three helpings of Ironside on ITV3? It sounds good and all over by 11am which leaves me with plenty of time to go about my business.

Theories on The Wire Part 3

There are plenty of theories as to why The Wire hasn't been more popular - white audiences struggle with a mainly black cast (it doesn't bother me), in the UK it was tucked away on a channel no one watches, and audiences are too stupid. My own take on this is:



The Wire is not suited to television. It is the first ever DVD series



It isn't so much that audiences are too thick to understand the show. It really just doesn't work very well being viewed episode at a time once a week. There are too many characters to remember viewed like that. It needs to be watched a few episodes at a time at least. This makes it ideally suited to the DVD format.



I preferred watching The Sopranos on DVD too, but if there was no choice, you could still watch it on a weekly basis without losing too much. But not The Wire. You need to spend time with it, absorbing it to fully appreciate it. You also can't miss an episode. Its predecessor, Homicde, you could watch like a regular cop show, dipping into it occasionally, but this is where The Wire was a marked departure.



It has to be watched on DVD. But we haven't reached the stage yet where series are released straight onto DVD. Poor films often go straight there, but that is out of necessity, not choice. Series need to be shown on television first, even if that isn't the right place for them, so hopefully the show will gain more popularity now in its rightful format.

Resolution Update

At the start of the year, I made several resolutions relating to this blog. It has gone way past the date in the year when most people give up on their resultions, so I thought I'd revisit them to see how I've done.

1. To update this blog more - I'm doing pretty well on this front. I've made double-figure posts each month so far and well on target for a bumper April.
   
2. To watch more detective shows - not so sure about this one. I have tried to mix things up a bit and watch a greater range of shows, but still room for improvement!
   
3. To discover at least one new show that I like - this has been achieved with Criminal Minds, I loved the first series and am keenly awaiting my next installment of it.
   
4. To work my way through the Remington Steele box set (22 episodes is looking pretty daunting right now) - very poor showing on this one, I'm afraid. I think I've watched about 8 episodes at the most.

Theories on The Wire Part 2

Despite my notion that Bunny Colin does the most good, he is not the hero of The Wire, which brings me onto theory number 2.

Detective Carver is the real hero of The Wire

As much as such an ensemble show can have a main character, this was probably McNulty. But as the series go on McNulty becomes less and less likeable and in the final season something is even said about realising that you aren't the hero.

For me, a real hero is someone who goes on a journey, who develops and learns. McNulty doesn't do this. He doesn't really change. It may look as if he has matured at one point in his relationship with Beadie, but this doesn't last. Colvin isn't in the show enough to be the hero. Instead I think that is Carver.

When the show starts, he is inept, indistinguishable from his partner Herc. Then it is revealed that he has been a spy for the management in return for career progression, but he realises he was wrong. In the third season, he learns about community policing. By the end of the whole show, he has progressed up the ladder, but is responsible, has a strong sense of what is right. He has grown and is, for me, the unsung hero.

Theories on The Wire, Part 1

Having now watched all five series of The Wire, I've been reflecting upon it and thought I would share some thoughts here.

My first theory is this:

Bunny Colvin has had the most positive impact

Drug dealers may have been locked up, murders may have been solved, but at the end of the show, the cycle is shown as continuing. One addict may recover, but there is always someone else succombing to it. And where one drug lord is dethroned, there is always another one coming up behind to take over. The war on drugs has not been won.

I therefore contend that perhaps the only person who has done any real lasting good is Bunny Colvin.

This has nothing to do with his career in the police force or his radical approach to drug crime. It is because he took Namond Brice from the street corner, gave him a stable home and education. This is one true success of the whole show. Its only a small thing in the grand scheme of things but the life of one young man has been saved. None of the police can lay claim to having done that - things ended badly for all of the kids they tried to help (D'Angelo, Wallace, Randy, Bodie)

A better version of Ashes to Ashes

I made no secret of the fact that I was disappointed by Ashes to Ashes. I gave up on it after a few episodes and have no idea how it ended (I assume it has) and whether there will be anymore.

But for anyone who did enjoy it, is missing it and/or can't wait for the next installment, may I point you in the direction of ITV3 which is currently showing Dempsey and Makepeace.

Dempsey and Makepeace is just like Ashes to Ashes, except better. Like Ashes to Ashes, it features:

• a mismatched pairing comprising:
• a posh woman
• a sexist man with outmoded views, but who is still rather attractive
• constant will they/won't they sexual tension
• car chases
• 1980s fashion
• London
• inneundos
• witty one-liners

The main difference is that rather than being a figment of someone's imagination, Dempsey is just on secondment from America. So there is thankfully no hallucinations or evil clown figures. Just crime capers and the hint of a possible romance.

Today's episode involved the robbery of a Bank of England van containing half a million pounds in used notes. The criminal gang wore gorilla masks which seemed particularly apt today as it was announced that Charlton Heston had died.

Glossary of Terms: Red Ball

Definition: A high profile case that needs as much resources as possible thrown at it
Usage: Homicide, The Wire

Game Over

I returned from San Francisco on Friday. I’m sorry to report that I failed to solve the Zodiac killer mystery. Actually, I was having far too good a time to remember to investigate and I went pretty much a whole week without any detectives. (I did doze through a Law & Order).

When we returned, there was a DVD of the fifth season of The Wire waiting for us, which made post-holiday blues a bit easier to deal with. Until of course, it was replaced by the post-The Wire blues, which are especially hard since this was the final ever season.

The fifth season was good one. I won’t go into too much detail as it hasn’t been shown in the UK yet, but it was as good as previous series. The plot mainly revolves around an audacious plan by McNulty and Freamon that could only end in disaster. A new layer was added with the addition of the press to the already complex story.

But now it is all over. In a way I’m glad it has ended while it was still brilliant, but I doubt we’ll see anything as good as that again for some time. The final session worked well in tying up some loose ends (nearly all of the main characters across all previous seasons at least had cameos here) but of course it wasn’t a neat happy ending because these things continue, “because the game is always the game”.

Song of the Week: The Clash "Somebody Got Murdered"

If I was a fan of rap or heavy metal, it would be really easy to find songs about murder, slayings and shootings, but my tastes are more refined. This makes finding the Song of Week a bit harder, as I’m determined to stick with what is my idea of good music.

I’m not a huge fan of The Clash. I think I have trouble getting over the fact that they were mainly posh boys (son of a diplomat, anyone?) which makes it harder for me to take their political stance so serious. But this song is pretty good.

Way better than anything by bands with names like Slayer, Dismember, Razor or Cannibal Corpse!

Crime Hotspots: San Francisco

The Law & Order series alone make New York the undisputed television USA crime hotspot. LA had years of Columbo and Perry Mason cases. Miami had Miami Vice, now CSI and Dexter. And of course Baltimore has made a late bid with The Wire and Homicide.

But today, our attention turns to another US city, San Francisco. Perhaps not so prominent recently (there is no CSI SF for one thing) but my reason for featuring it is more personal. I’m off to San Francisco this week.

In a bid to prepare myself for the trip, I was planning on absorbing some San Francisco crime drama. Sadly, I didn’t have access to ‘The Streets of San Francisco” which I remember vaguely but fondly from my childhood, but I did manage to watch a few episodes of Ironside, one of which featured the post office on Geary Street prominently in its plot.

Looking for something more contemporary, I was going to indulge myself in some Monk, which is set in San Francisco. But it is just set there – it is actually filmed in Canada.

I turned my attention then to cinema. I’d already seen Vertigo which is quite famous for its use of San Francisco locations, but watching another SF based Hitchcock, The Family Plot. The location didn’t play quite as big a role in this one though. I also attempted to watch Bullitt which shamefully I’d not seen. The city looked great in it, plenty of shots of the cable car, but I’m afraid I fell asleep in it.

Of course, the big one in San Francisco crime is the real-life crime of the Zodiac case. I loved the film and am still intrigued by the case. So in between photographing the bridge, vintage shopping, visiting galleries and bars, I’m determined to solve the case!

Too Much of a Good Thing?

I don't get the channel Movies 24 and I'm going away over Easter. But if I did subscribe to it and was in the country, I would be able to watch 4 days of non-stop Columbo. That is what they are showing for four solid days. Nothing but the scuffy detective. That's way too much even for me.

Quote of the Week

Well I think that the mind of a serial killer and the mind of the
detectives represent the duality we face as people.

Paul Guilfoyle

Song of the Week: The Jam "Down in the Tube Station at Midnight"

The dangers of the London underground presented by Paul Weller. There aren't many songs about beatings that make you want to sing along loudly (Killing of a Flashboy has that effect too but that's probably just on me).

Despite what Paul Weller has become (a grumpy has-been with no musical relevance and a tragic haircut) this is undeniably great.

Enjoy!

Finally, Lewis

On Sunday, I managed to see the whole episode of Lewis for the first time this series. Both of the weeks before, I managed to fall asleep before the end, but truth be told, I wasn’t that bothered as I didn’t really care who did it, or even what they did.

But this week was much better. To start with there was the slight intrigue about Hathaway’s sexuality. Once the notion was planted, he suddenly seemed almost camp, especially the way he held a cigarette and Lewis stood in for the curious viewer, hesitantly asking what we want to know. Modern fellow that he is, Hathaway side stepped the question neatly.

I guessed the ‘whodunnit’ a good 15 minutes before it dawn on Lewis. I think the OH was quite impressed with my powers of detection, but then claimed that he would have solved it too had he been paying full attention. But I doubt it somehow.

36 Hours of Crime & Flu

Still off work ill, but just about managing to crawl to the lounge to watch television and then to the computer to break up the day. The novelty of daytime detective watching has truly worn off and I'm regretting watching Criminal Minds so quickly.

In the last 36 hours, I've watched the following:

Crossing Jordan - I watched it but through my flu-haze I struggled to follow it properly. It was nearly over before I realised there were two separate crimes, which was why I was confused. Like I said, I'm ill.

Season 5, Disc 2 of The Shield - three episodes in total. I wasn't enjoying it but then as the plot moved away from the Strike Team and onto Dutch and Claudette instead, I started to get back into it. I had only just remarked how I would prefer it if they had their own spin-off series, when Claudette fell down and the episode ended. We now have to wait a couple of days for the next installment to arrive.

Law & Order SVU - the second episode about Olivia's brother and whether he is a rapist. I'd seen the first episode a while ago but missed the follow-on, but last night, all the loose ends were tied up.

Intelligence - the first ever episode of it - or rather the first twenty minutes of it before I crashed out. It looked quite good although a poor man's The Wire or Sopranos perhaps.

Ironside - another good episode about using a television show to trap a killer. The television show was part Crime Watch, part debate. It was interesting that the same worries about crumbling society and rising crime were issues in San Francisco in 1970s as they are in the UK today.

Charlies Angels - an episode from series 3 about a psychics. Not bad, but it is late period Angels where Farah has been replaced by Cheryl Ladd and its just not the same. I miss Farah's big hair. I attempted to watch a second episode involving 'the death of Charlie's favourite folk singer'. The plot involved drugs and laundrettes but even so I slept through it.

Cold Case - Whilst I've seen other cold case based programmes, I'd not seen this show before, perhaps because it is on Sky One, rarely a good sign. But it was ok. It was about the murder of a yuppie trader and although it was complete with 80s soundtrack and detail, it didn't get in the way of a pretty good plot. I liked the device of switching between how the person looked at the time of the murder and how they are in the present.

That's an awful lot of crime - no wonder I feel ill but at least I've managed to avoid Diagnosis Murder.

Anyway, I must get back under my duvet as Randall and Hopkirk will be starting soon.

Glossary of Terms: CI

Definition: Abbreviation for Confidential Informant
Usage: The Wire, The Shield
Similar Terms: Snitch, Rat

Not to be confused with: CO - Corrections Officer.

Quote of the Week

Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.

Alfred Hitchcock

I wish I was a profiler

Thanks to a serious bout of cold, I was off work yesterday which gave me time to finish watching the first series of Criminal Minds.

Some episodes weren't as good as others, but on the whole I was gripped by it. Annoyingly, the series ended with the first part of a two-parter, so now I'm impatient to find out what happens next.

And know I'm totally in awe of profilers. I've come across them in other shows (Profiler obviously!) but here they most impressive. Of course it is fiction but still it must have some basis in reality and now I wish I'd become a profiler. These people are seriously intelligent. Their job and this show answer the question of 'why' which is what interests me most

In honour of Criminal Minds' structure of ending the show with a quotation, I've started a new blog feature, unimaginatively entitled 'Quote of the Week'.

Complex case for Ironside

I'm going to San Francisco in two weeks time and I had in my mind that I would emerse myself in San Francisco culture before I go. Namely reading books and watching films and shows set in the city.

So this morning, when the opportunity arose to watch Ironside, I embraced it despite not being a huge fan of the show on account of it being based in San Francisco. Only today's episode turned out to be one set in Los Angeles. Nonetheless I stuck with it becuase it turned out to be a lot more interesting than the previous episodes I'd seen.

The episode was "Five Days in the Death of Sgt Brown", and was from Season 6, back in 1972. Ironside's sidesick Ed Brown was testifying in court in LA and then the gang were in a hotel in the city, relaxing with drinks on the balcony when shots were fired. Ironside has flashbacks to when he was shot. The others panicked and checked he was ok. Then they noticed that Ed was missing - and looking over the balcony, there he was shot and on the ground!

He wasn't actually dead though and what follows was 5 days that took in a complex tale involving spinal injuries, experimental surgery, another balcony fall, hallucenations, kidnap and a small amount of homoerotic tension thrown in for good measure.

As ever, it all ended well and I'm left rather glad I'm not going to LA as, aside from the drug gangs of The Shield, they have a problem with dangerous balconies and my balance isn't the greatest.

Style File: FBI

In the course of their investigations, FBI agents are smartly dressed, but if they are "going into a situation", they will wear special FBI clothing. At least they do on the television, and I'm assuming that the television doesn't lie about this.

There are t-shirt, baseball caps, jackets and protective vests, all branded with the simple white letters F B I. I've seen them in several shows -Prison Break, Criminal Minds and Sue Thomas FBI spring to mind immediately. The item of clothing is usually navy blue (or is it a special shade of FBI blue?) with white lettering.

It does concern me that these items would be very easy to recreate so in the interests of research, I did a quick internet search and indeed on Ebay, there are FBI t-shirts available to buy, although they are in black, so they wouldn't fool me. There was also a sweet FBI jacket for a dog, with the letters standing for Food and Bones Investigation. Cute, but I don't approve of dressing dogs.

Glossary of Terms: Un-Sub

Definition: Short for Unknown Subject. Meaning the person who is being profiled.
Usage: Most episodes of Criminal Minds.
Related Terms: Perp (short for perpetrator) as used in Law & Order series

Action

As well as the Criminal Minds marathon, I've also managed to squeeze in the final episode of season 3 of Prison Break and the first four episodes of season 5 of The Shield. Truly this week, I have had no life outside of my house! (Actually that isn't true - its been a very stressful week and crime shows help me relax).

These series have in common that they are both action packed and no where near as good as their popularity suggests. So much action happens in each episode, something is always happening, and yet you can miss an episode without really missing much in terms of plot development. Neither requires much thinking - in fact thinking probably hinders viewing as then you start to worry about plausibility, character development and other things that the writers haven't let get in the way of the action.

Prison Break ended frustratingly, but I'm still hoping that it has actually ended now. It should have ended 5 minutes before the end of the second series really.

The Shield started back up with its usual over-the-top bluster - a hilarious scene of a riot in a church where Ronnie (the member of the Strike Team who seems to get two lines of dialogue a season) was whacked over the head with a crucifix. He used up one of his lines asking who hit him, to which Vic replied 'Jesus Christ'.

We are getting The Shield through our DVD rental service as I wasn't going to pay for another series of it. So we are being drip-fed it, disc at a time. The next one will probably arrive on Monday, so until then, its back to Criminal Minds.

All aboard with Criminal Minds

I've watched about 10 episodes of Criminal Minds now. Its quite good. If it were to be placed on a scale of detective shows, it would obviously be below The Wire and Homicide, but definitely above CSI.

The standout episode for me so far was 'Derailed" which guest-starred Chris Bauer (Frank Sabotka from Season 2 of The Wire) as a paranoid schizophrenic who takes the passengers on a train hostage. Elle, one of the regular profiling team, happens to be on the same train, and the rest of the team have to work to save her and the other passengers. At the start of the episode, we were given a small insight into the minds of each of the other characters, which comes to have some bearing on what unfolds later.

Chris Bauer was excellent as ever, and there was a risky move of having a person there representing the voice in his head, which could have been terrible but it worked. Some comments on IMDB about this episode complain that there were unresolved things in the episode to do with the other passengers, but that didn't matter to me as I don't need everything neatly rounded off. There are also complaints about the inaccuracies of drivers licenses, car number plates and train/flight timetables in the episode, but really life is far too short to worry about such things!

Song of the Week: Suede "Killing of a Flashboy"

I don't know why this song didn't occur to me earlier really.

Suede aren;t a fashionable band to name drop these days, but back in the day they meant a huge amount to me. I was given free tickets to see them when they'd just released their first single, The Drowners, they played six songs for a radio show and blew me away. At 17, the songs about unsuitable love, sordid sex and drugs seemed hopelessly glamorous and they wore great shirts and had great floppy hair.

This song was originally a B side and as they say, a live favourite. It has a special place in my affections as I won a competition on the XFM breakfast show to see Suede by naming the song that the DJ was acting out and it was this one. It was only a few years ago, they were well past their prime and the OH laughed at me for still going.

The song is about someone being beaten to death, possibly for wearing a frilly shirt and having floppy hair.

A Change of Heart regarding Psych

I think I was a little harsh on Psych the first time I watched it. After the number-crunching smoke and mirrors of Numb3rs, I wanted something that I could understand and Psych fitted that bill perfectly. More than that, this time I actually found it funny. Not side-splitting, rolling in the aisles funny, but enough to raise a smile.

The little flashback to Shawn and Gus as children, I found charming and in their grown-up versions, I found them more likeable this time around. The plot involved the murder of a restaurant critic, again a well-worn plot but this time it wasn’t the obvious angry chef who was guilty. There was also a funny bit about magic mushrooms which seemed quite daring for a family show!

In this episode, Gus’s uncle Burton visits who is under the mistaken belief that Gus is the psychic and Shawn is his assistant. It was an age old farcical problem but amusing nonetheless, especially since the uncle was, like myself, a television detective fan. He mentioned “Hill Street Blues”, “Murder She Wrote” and “Manimal”. It is rare that television detectives acknowledge other television detectives so this was a nice touch.

Unlike Numb3rs, the show does not involve a gimmick to solve the crimes. He solves them through old-fashioned observation skills and it is all the better for it.

2 plus 2 is 4

Maths is not my strong point. Actually that is a bit harsh - I did afterall get an A at it at GCSE so I couldn’t have been that bad. I was always fairly good at both Maths and English but somewhere probably around the age of 14 I decided where my affections lay. I decided it was English for me, and Maths bored me. So while I’m fine with the basic stuff (adding, subtracting, multiplication, division) and even a basic algebra, anything beyond that, I’m lost.

There is a point with all this, other than giving you an insight into my academic background. Yesterday I watched Numb3rs.

I didn’t understand it. It involved a lot of squiggles on boards and the word algorithm was bandied about. I tried to concentrate really hard but I didn’t get it.

Actually again I’m being a bit harsh. I understood the crime solving bit, I didn’t understand the maths part or why they needed it to solve the crime. For all his fancy formula, it seemed a pretty simple solution that didn’t need maths at all – just a bit of thought.

The numbers thing is a just a gimmick, tacked on to differentiate this show from the other crime shows. Simple detective work isn’t enough these days – there has to be some clever-clever techniques involved. I blame CSI. And don’t get me started on the number in the name.

Later I watched Lewis, a good old-fashioned style detective programme, but unfortunately I fell asleep in that.

Song of the Week: Bruce Springsteen "Murder Incorporated"

Yes, its back after a prolonged absense. The feature of (at times tenuous) crime related songs!

Getting us back in the saddle is Bruce Springsteen with Murder Incorporated.

This a song about how dangerous it is out there on the streets, which seems appropriate after watching all of those episodes of Homicide Life on the Street.

I'm quite partial to a bit of The Boss actually. My mum likes him too and its rare that our musical tastes coincide and or a time (when I was still at home) whenever we went anywhere in the car together I'd insist on listening to Bruce.

Sleepy Viewing

Left to my own devices, I really really would not have watched Ashes to Ashe again.

But for some reason the OH thought we should give it another go. I think it is because they played "Geno" last week. He can always be won over by a bit of Dexys Midnight Runners.

I was so tired from work and yoga that I couldn’t be bothered to persuade him to watch something else instead. But I was so tired, I fell asleep and missed half of it anyway.

Then I woke up and we watched an old episode of SVU, the one where Olivia is undercover with some environmental protesters. We’d seen it before but it was still worth watching. An old episode of SVU is better than a new Ashes to Ashes anyday.

Starting out with Criminal Minds

Still mourning the finishing of the latest Homicide (is it wrong to feel a sense of loss over a DVD set?), I was almost consoled last night when I found the complete first series of Criminal Minds was available on our On Demand channel.

I have attempted to watch Criminal Minds when it was shown on Channel 5 on a Saturday night, but, as is so often the case, I’d always fallen asleep. Also joining a series part way through meant I struggled to grasp the different characters in the team, so it was much appreciated to have the chance to see the first series from the beginning. I now know that Gideon is returning from sick leave, traumatised by some past experience and that the rest of the time are learning to trust him. I know know that one of them came from the bomb department, another from sex crimes and one is a child genius.

I enjoyed the first episode so much, I watched two more, the third one being one I’d previously dozed off during and it made much more sense now. Its not as good as Homicide (what is?) but I’m hoping I can convince the OH of its merits and watch another batch tonight. Afterall, we will not, under any circumstances, be watching Ashes to Ashes again tonight.

Vision of Things to Come: Homicide and The Wire

The last episodes of the fourth season of Homicide Life on the Street were marvellous In fact the whole season was sublime. (Actually its been sold as the fourth season in the UK but in the US for some reason it was 5th season).

What struck me most about this season of Homicide, you could almost see the seeds of the ideas forming that were to evolve into The Wire. The on-going plot with drug-dealer Luther Mahoney is very much a taste of what is to come with The Wire. As he corner him in the season finale, Lewis says he can live with the drug dealing, but not the killing – similar sentiments are expressed by D’Angelo in The Wire.

The other thing that developed further in this series was the character of Mike Kellerman. While Munch will always be my idol, I have a slight crush on Kellerman. Looks-wise he’s not my usual type (too blonde, too boy-next-door looking and I’ve not forgotten the jeans with smart jacket crime), but he’s developed in this series. Actually, he has crumbled mentally (at least twice) and embarked on a doomed, drink-fuelled relationship, but he has come a fully formed character and looked quite cute while doing it! In fact, he may well be a precursor to The Wire's McNulty.

I was disappointed that we got to the end of it so quickly and I may have to go back to re-watch it soon. I have to wait until May for the next instalment but I’m also concerned that we are running out of Homicides to watch. It feels like sacrilege to say it, but I’m actually starting to think that Homicide might be inching ahead of The Wire to become my all time favourite show. Just a couple more seasons left, plus just one more season of The Wire. What will we do afterwards? A huge hole will be left in my viewing as nothing else is as good.

Nepotism and Unbelievability

I didn’t have too much to drink on my birthday. I really didn’t. I didn’t have a headache or anything like that. I went out to buy the Sunday paper with minimum fuss. But after that I was besieged by extreme tiredness, so the only thing to do was lie on the sofa in front of the television, where I dozed on and off all day.

In between dozes, I watched the following:

Murder 101: College Can be Murder
Described by the Hallmark announcer as ‘the new Diagnosis Murder”, which was a fairly accurate description in that it was a crime show, starring Dick Van Dyke and it wasn’t very good. He played much the same character as in Diagnosis Murder, except this one was a lecturer in Criminology rather than a doctor so it was set in a university rather than a hospital, but he was still the same irritating character. It also, like Diagnosis Murder, involved his son Barry, who, as far as I could tell, lived with him, was a Private Investigator but not playing his son this time. A few other lesser Van Dykes also cropped up in lesser roles.

Agatha Christies Poirot – Murder in Mesopotania
Despite telling the OH I didn’t like Poirot much, I ended up watching this. I wondered whether it might have any interesting undercurrent about politics in the Middle East and Colonialism, but it didn’t unless that happened while I snoozed. The plot involved the murder of an archaeologist’s wife, who we were supposed to believe was captivatingly beautiful. I found her insipid. The resolution involved asking us to believe that someone could marry the same man twice without realising it. What I refer to as the “Martin Wellbourne Scenario” after a similar plot in The Rise and Fall of Reginald Perrin. Frankly, I don't believe it is possible. Mrs Perrin knew all along that Martin Wellbourne was Reggie, just as Jodie Foster in Somersby knew it wasn't really her husband. So I couldn't believe this was any different. Nonsense.

After this was finished watching the rest of the Homicide DVD which was majestic and deserves its own post. More later

St Valentine's Day Massacre

Yes, even on St Valentine's Day, I managed to watch some detectives. We did celebrate the day with my patented Halloumi hearts and a bottle of champagne, but then we watched some television.

First up was Ashes to Ashes which was on its final chance. Still not really liking it, so it may have been the last time we watch it. The only decent thing in last night's episode was that they played Geno by Dexys Midnight Runners.

Then we went back to the boxset of Homicide. The first episode was called Blood Wedding but was nothing to do with the Lorca play of the same name. It was shaping up to be an interesting episode, but sadly I feel asleep before the end, the champagne earlier having gone completely to my head.

Homicide: A Personal Response

The fourth season of Homicide has finally arrived on DVD. The OH’s parents kindly bought it for me for my birthday but we decided we couldn’t wait any longer so started watching it last night.

By way of introduction, we re-watched the final episode of Season 3 and then embarked on Season 4 and ended up having quite a Homicide marathon.

(Warning – if you have not seen the series but plan to do so, the following contains a huge spoiler).




The Season ended with Frank Pembleton having a stroke. It was pretty harrowing on first viewing back in September, but since then my aunt has had a stroke and is still in hospital, her progress being very slow.

The actual stroke scene in Season 3 was pretty bad, but storyline about the after effects in Season 4 reduced me to tears. There was a scene where he is raging about the coffee always running out, but to the confusion of his colleagues, he uses the word ‘bagel’. Then during his vital shooting test which he must pass to stay in homicide, he is unable to recognise the word ‘magazine’. These incidents were all too familiar as my aunt continues to confuse the words ‘yes’ and ‘no’ making the most basic of communications a struggle. The look of frustration on Pembleton’s face is one I’ve seen in real life.

Apparently audiences couldn’t stand to see him like this so(against the wishes of the actor, Andre Braugher ) he makes a sudden and full recovery. Sadly in real life there isn’t such a simple solution.

Dust to Dust

Last night saw the start of the Life on Mars spin-off Ashes to Ashes.

I really enjoyed Life on Mars, especially the first series. The reasons I liked it were;

a) It starred John Simm
i) who I find very attractive
ii) is a very good actor too
b) It was set in the 1970s which meant
i) pretty good music
ii) pretty good clothes
c) It was a crime show

Of these reasons, only c remains. And there wasn’t really any of that last night.

It still features the character Gene Hunt, who it seems pretty much essential to describe as “the irrepressible”. Hunt stole the show in Life on Mars for many people, with his retrograde attitudes and sharp one-liners, and whilst I enjoyed this, I doubted it would be enough to sustain a whole show.

However, this was not my problem with Ashes to Ashes. If anything, there wasn’t actually enough of Gene Hunt in last night’s episode. Instead it was dominated by his new partner, a female psychologist played by Keeley Hawes, who has also come back from present day. Where John Simm was a master of understated bewilderment, she is over-the-top, neurotic and just downright annoying. She’s a terrible actress and an unsympathetic character. I don’t care if she has been shot in the head and can’t get back to her daughter. What decent parents call a child with a huge mole on their face, Molly? Surely that is just giving bullies easy material.

My other problem is that I’m not a fan of the 1980s. I was a child in this decade so can remember it all too well. We had some good toys, but that was about it. The fashions were awful and the mainstream music dire. I’m only grateful that I wasn’t in my late teens during this time.

But last night was just the first episode which needed to set the scene, so perhaps it will get better next week and they might get down to some real police work.

The Unsung Heroes

We were watching Monk the other week and the OH remarked upon how much he preferred Monk's second assistant, Natalie to his first, Sharona. I'd read somewhere that the actress playing Sharona left the show because she wanted more money. I don't know if this is true or not but I think I prefer the newer assistant too - Sharona always wore skirts that were too short and didn't flatter her.

Anyway, this conversation lead onto the question of what would happen if all of the detective sidekicks went on strike? Would lots of show suffer if the sidekicks left or would they continue regardless? Are some irreplaceable?

So the topic of my next poll will be "Who is Your Favourite Sidekick?"

Whilst there are some shows where there is an obvious hierarchy, many cop shows have a partner dynamic with both being equals, for example Benson and Stabler in SVU, Starsky and Hutch, Dempsey & Makepeace etc. Other shows go with the lone detective working on his own, without any help from others, like Columbo.

So its not been as easy as I first thought to put together the shortlist and I hope a few people will take the time to vote.

Poll Results: If You were Murdered...

So the votes are in and have been counted in my poll ‘If you were murdered who would you want in charge of solving the case’.

And the winner is Frank Pembleton from Homicide Life on the Street.

I am a bit wary about declaring him the winner as I suspect my OH may have been block voting to fix the result – if you can count seven votes as block voting, that is. But I suppose he is a worthy winner. He’s an astute detective, he doesn’t let his personal feelings get in the way and he is adept at getting murderers to confess.

There was a three-way tie for second place between Criminal Intent’s Goran, Morse and Columbo. As much as I love Morse, I wouldn’t want him in charge of my case – he is too easily distracted by opera-loving women and there is too frequently a follow-up murder. I would trust both Goran and Columbo to get the job done, although they both have habits (head tilting and re-entering the room respectively) that might annoy my nearest and dearest.

Another poll will follow in due course, when I can think of a topic – any suggestions welcome.

CSI Miami - Why So Popular?

I'm back on that question again. Why is CSI Miami the most watched programme in the whole world? What is it that people love so much about this show. I know what I don't like about it (I've mentioned it before). Last night I tried to watch it again in the hope of answering this question.

Is it the location? Miami does look pretty good in it, I'll concede that much. Is it the good-looking glamorous people in it? Do viewers enjoy seeing bad things happen to beautiful people in beautiful locations? Is it just a case of schadenfreude?

If CSI Miami was a colour, it would be blue. I was struck last night by how much blue there was on the screen. Not the blue of a flashing police siren or uniform, but the bright blue of the bright blue sky and the bright blue sea, and probably Horatio's eyes too. Surely a crime programme should be the colour red (for blood) or grey or black for the darkness of man's soul? Not bright blue. Waking the Dead wouldn't be blue (its probably a dark red). Cracker wouldn't be blue (definitely black). Dexter would definitely be bright red. Even Monk wouldn't be blue - I think it would be beige. But CSI Miami is definitely blue and blue is not the colour of suspense.

Anyway, even the bright blue was not enough to attract me - I fell asleep at the half way mark again.

Not Psyched by Psych

I watch my first episode of Psych yesterday and I’m still not sure what to make of it. Billed as being from the team behind Monk, I thought it would be worth a watch, but on first impressions it wasn’t in Monk’s league.

It had the same comedic style that Monk has, but was lacking Monk’s heart. The premise is that this young guy, Shawn, is pretending to be a psychic as a way to get involved in helping the police solve their crimes. He isn’t actually psychic, just very observant. It is mildly amusing, but I didn’t really care about him enough.

Whereas with Monk, you want him to succeed because a) he’s a great detective and b) he’s lost his beloved wife, I don’t really know why we should want this impostor to triumph. He has a rival in a real policeman but this rival isn’t dislikeable enough for me to really root for Shawn at his expense.

So I won’t be rushing out to buy the box set or re-arranging my life to watch it again, but I suppose if its on, I’ll give it another chance.

Psychedelic Sleuth

As well as detectives and dogs, my other passion is the past. I love all things retro, mainly from the 1960s. So I was delighted when yesterday's episode of Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) delivered on all three.

Obviously it is always about detectives, and it is set at the end of 1960s, but yesterday's episode was particularly psychedelic and featured a very cute dog. Jeff (Randall) investigated Marty's (Hopkirk) claim of witnessing his grave being robbed and ends up in the middle of a plot to kidnap a wealthy heir.

The heir was an agrophobic hippy artist, who was reluctant to go into his father's business - he bore a slight rememblance to Sid Barrett at his most wild-eyed. It turned out he was complicit in the plan, to con his father out of £5,000, but bizarrely the father wouldn't then pay the ransom, settled instead on marrying his housekeeper to give him other heirs instead. The son ended up being a circus attraction with his attempt to stay underground for five years. And it seemed like a happy enough ending for all concerned, but was so far removed from the conventional resolution to a detective programme and had more in common with the psychedelic cinema of the time.

Far out, man (or something).

He's Not the Messiah, He's a Very Naughty Boy

I’d not seen Messiah before although my mother was a big fan of Ken Stott who used to be its star.

I can’t stand its new star, Marc Warren. I have been known to call him the world’s worst actor (his competition in this category being Jason Statham). I’m not sure why I decided to watch it – I think it was desperation as there really was no other crime shows on. So I wasn’t expecting much. In fact I was expecting to have to turn it off after ten minutes in annoyance at Warren’s bad acting.

But I was pleasantly surprised. As pleasantly surprised as you can be with gruesome killing spree of about 15 people! Although it was essentially another Se7en alike it kept me interested and.I didn’t guess who the murderer was which is quite a rarity.

Warren’s acting was still pretty bad, but he was playing a moody troubled character so that reigned in the worst of his manic over-acting. I did snigger at his wooden insistence that his colleague investigated the sand left at the scene.

I also struggled to take him seriously as a heart-throb. He looks like an Estate Agent. Or a goblin. A Goblin Estate Agent. Its not a look that I’d go for, but somebody out there must like him because he gets more than enough acting jobs.

Be Careful with that Sub-Plot, Hooker

Our cable service was playing up again the other night so the only channels that were working were the 'on demand' channels, so we really had no choice but to watch another episode of T J Hooker.


(I realise we could have done something else but we'd already played three rounds of Barry Norman's film quiz and it was raining outside)

We selected an episode based on the ridiculous title 'Sweet Sixteen....and Dead' as that promised the camp melodrama the show excels at. The story involved two teen runaways who had become 'working girls' and witnessed a city official being bribed by a pimp. The pimp then set his henchman (a wonderfully Afro-ed thug) after the girls to eliminate them. Pretty serious stuff.

Ignoring Shatner's poor acting (a difficult task - he was hard to distinguish from a line of trees at one point, such is his wooden style), the gravity of the main plot was undermined by the frivolity of the subplot. Light-hearted subplots occur in several shows, for example Monk usually involves a sideline about the Captain, Randy or Monk's assistant.

The sub-plot involved girl scount cookies, namely Romano being tricked into selling them for Hooker's daughter. It was too much of a contrast with the main plot, given almost as much screentime and frankly, it took the biscuit!

Jumping the Shark

After listing the shows that have made me cry, I settled down to watch another episode of Monk. His assistant, Natalie, bumps into Monk’s dead wife Trudie, who claims she faked her own death to protect Monk. Another episode where the loss of his wife is central should have had me reaching for the hankies, but instead I think it is safe to say that this one could be described as ‘jumping the shark’.

Now if you aren’t familiar with that term, I’ll explain. It means when a show has ran out of ideas so does something unbelievable and over-the-top. It originates from an episode of Happy Days, where the Fonz jumps over shark-infested waters on his motorbike.

Were we really expected to believe that Monk’s devoted wife was not dead after all this time, tears and heartache? Not only had she returned, but she murdered an old man? I was finding it hard to believe, but no more so than the final conclusion. I don’t think I’m spoiling too much for anyone in revealing that it wasn’t really the late Mrs Monk, but an impostor. But does anyone really exist that looks so much like another person that even a husband could be deceived (albeit briefly)? I think not.

A plot devise of such silliness not seen since Bobby emerged from the shower in Dallas.

Crying Shame

Last night I watched an episode of 'New Tricks' on BBC1. I was feeling a little tired and emotional as, truth be told, I'd had a little too much to drink the night before, plus I was aching from my first ever yoga class. So I wanted something easy to watch, that wouldn't tax my brain too much, so I thought New Tricks would be ideal.

Unfortunately, I'd forgotten that it often makes me cry. Its James Bolam's character that does it mainly - with his mourning for his dead wife, talking to her shrine in the garden. To make matters worse, last night's episode was set in an old people's home. My gran has recently had to go to live in a home, as she needs constant care after a stroke, so it hit a bit of a raw nerve there. Suffice to say, by the end of the episode I was sobbing quietly to myself.

But this is not an isolated incident. I've cried at several detective programmes. Although detective shows are about death, they very rarely focus on grief or sadness - the solving of the crime is the focus, so I realise I'm not supposed to cry, but I have. Here are a few other incidents:

Homicide: Life on the Streets - 'The City that Bleeds'
The episode where three of the cops are shot had me in tears. It was by far the best episode of this series that I've yet to see which is saying something as it is always very good. What was particularly moving was the way the other cops reacted to the shootings. Somehow I don't think my workplace would be affected in such a way, but then working in the arts doesn't really have that sort of risk.


The Remorseful Day – the final episode of Morse
I knew he was going to die, I cried most of the way through in anticipation and was inconsolable when he collapsed. It was his loneliness that got to me. It reminded me of when our family dog, Rebel, went & lay in the snow to die.

Various episodes of Monk
I know it is supposed to be a light-hearted series, but sometimes the stuff about his grief for his wife just gets to me and I’ll have a discrete cry. I think there may have been tears in the episode when he wanted to adopt the little boy too. The episodes with his brother, Ambrose, also tug at the old heart strings, despite the ridiculousness of his character.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
I'm pretty sure this has made me cry on several occasions but the one that stands out most was the episode '911' in Season 7 where a little girl rings Olivia claiming she has been kidnapped and there is a race against time to find her.

The Dangers of Typecasting

Sad and shocking news in the paper this evening that The Bill's Reg Hollis tried to slit his wrists after being told his contract with the show would not be renewed.

Excuse the way my reporting of this seems to muddle the actor (Jeff Stewart) with the character but that is how the newspaper covered it too. And obviously the role was important to the man himself - he's been on the show since it started in 1984. That's an awful long time in one role and it is easy to see how it must be more than a job to him.

I've been made redundant once and whilst I was upset and worried about finding another job, I wasn't driven to such extremes. I quickly got myself some temping work, but I suppose that isn't an option for him (can he touch type?). Vacancies for people who've pretended to be a policeman for over 20 years are probably a bit thin on the ground, although I believe Heartbeat recently lost a policeman so there may be a position for him in 1960s Yorkshire town.

I hope Jeff feels better soon and if its any consolation The Bill has gone downhill anyway so he may be better off out of it.

Song of the Week: Donovan "Hurdy Gurdy Man"

Its been a while since I posted a Song of the Week and I feared that the well may have run dry. But here it makes a return with 'Hurdy Gurdy Man' by sixties singer Donovan.

You may well wonder of the relevance of this song. Well, it is here because it is the title music to the film Zodiac, which I re-watched at the weekend. And how menacing did it sound over the film? Now I find it terrifying. Its so creepy.

My OH claims he always thought it was, but then he agreed with Shaun Ryder who said of Donovan 'anyone that happy has got to be evil'.

Steele Watching Remington

I’m making slow progress with Remington Steele box set. I’m five episodes in. There are 22 in total Each one with a title including the word Steele, usually as a weak pun on the words Steal, Still or Steel (hence my tribute title above). That’s 22 Steele puns for the first series alone. Last night I watched ‘Thou Shalt Not Steele’.

Remington Steele isn’t one of the better known detective programmes so for anyone reading who might not know, the premise is thus:

Laura Holt is a trained detective but nobody wanted to hire a female detective. So she makes up a male boss, Remington Steele, puts is name on the agency and the work floods in. Things are going along smoothly but then in the first episode Pierce Brosnan, a mysterious man with a shady past and unknown identity turns up, and ends up assuming the identity of Remington Steele. As he is charming and dashing, it helps out the agency top have a real Remington Steele to introduce to clients, but of course he gets involved in the cases and there is an on-going will they/won’t they romance between him and Laura.

In each episode they take on a new case, usually investigating a theft, providing security or looking for a missing person, although often there is a murder thrown in for good measure. It is what I would call a light-hearted detective show - the murders aren't gruesome or sad and there is a fair bit of wit from Mr Brosnan. The show's creators went onto do Moonlighting and it is pretty similar in tone to that.

Along the way there are little bits of information given about Remington’s past and true identity, although knowing it runs for 4 seasons means I’m not hopeful of finding out who he is within this box set.

News Just In: Law & Order London

I read in the London Lite paper tonight that ITV will be doing a UK version of Law & Order, set in London. It will have the imaginative title Law & Order London. Scripts from the original show will be reworked to suit the English legal system.

Now I love Law & Order and there is a severe lack of good UK crime shows at the moment so my initial thoughts were positive. But then I realised that this is ITV. Their idea of quality drama is rarely mine. Their dramas tend to use a small pool of actors, usually former soap stars. I'm picturing Robson Green and Ross Kemp as Logan and Briscoe, John Nettles as the prosecutor, perhaps assisted by Michelle Collins or Sarah Lancashire. This is not a good thing.

But perhaps I'm being harsh and it may turn out to be as good as Morse or Cracker. No dates have been given yet for when this is likely to come on as it seems to still be in development, but I'll await its arrival with interest.

Out with a Bang

I’m an infrequent watcher of the CSI franchises which may seem odd as they appear to be most other people’s favourite shows – CSI Miami is in fact the most watched programme in the world! But if there is nothing else on, I will watch a CSI in bed, more often than not falling asleep half way through.

But the other night I managed to watch a complete episode of CSI New York, the final episode of the season that was showing on Channel 5. What a season finale! There was a suspected gas leak in the offices of the CSI team but it turned out to be an elaborate plan by a drug gang to steal back their drugs and avenge the arrest of some of their men.

The baddies were led by a rather sexy Irishman (as is often the case in fiction – in reality I don’t think IRA supporters are normally that good-looking – Gerry Adams certainly isn’t). It was tense and exciting but all ended well with Mac being reunited with his woman and agreeing to go on holiday to London with her. As I don’t watch it very often I knew nothing of their relationship but was struck by her English accent which is that generic English accent that you only ever hear on American television or films – even if the actor is English, it is not how anyone here speaks.

Anyway, these gripes aside I did enjoy it and am looking forward to the next season.

Watching the Detectives Resolutions for 2008

• To update this blog more
• To watch more detective shows
• To discover at least one new show that I like
• To work my way through the Remington Steele box set (22 episodes is looking pretty daunting right now)

My ambition to solve the Zodiac killer mystery while I’m in San Francisco in March might be asking a bit too much and might get in the way of enjoying the sights.

Christmas Viewing

As predicted, the festive period has not produced a great deal of detectiving. I didn't get the Morse boxset, but I did get the first series of Remington Steele, which I've just taken a break from watching to write this post.

So what else did I watch?

The Fall Guy - an episode featuring Richard Kiel, best known as Jaws in a couple of James Bond movies. Colt and Howie go undercover in prison where they need to gain the confidence of Animal (Kiel). Unfortunately, the only person in authority who knows they are undercover, the prison warden falls into a coma while they are in there, cue an elaborate escape plan. It was pretty good actually and I remembered why I liked it so much as a child.

Rosemary and Thyme - ahh yes the gardening detectives! An episode about a restaurant critic murdered in a hotel he is about to give a 5 star review to, and a weed attacking a grape crop. It also had a slight Christmas theme in that Thyme's children were both spending Christmas out of the country.

Hetty Wainthropp Investigates - I can't believed I stooped so low as to watch this. Possibly the least convincing detective ever, that old woman from 'Keeping Up Appearances' aided by the hobbit who want onto Lost. The crime - an Ecstasy tablet was planted on Hetty's nephew, so she investigated and uncovered a case of bullying and drug dealing. This involved going undercover as a dinner lady and then asking her nephew what happened - not exactly requiring the most detectiving skills ever.


Not really detectiving, but I did also received from my beloved a book by Richard Belzer about the conspiracy theories surrounding JFK, UFOs and aliens.

Insomniac's Complaint

For some unknown reason, I always suffer from insomnia when I stay at my mother's house and this Christmas was no exception. So to try to lull myself back off to sleep in the small hours, I would watch a bit of television. But these days it seems nearly every station just has a phone in quiz once it gets past midnight. Not just cheap television, but presumably a money-spinner too.

So what is a detective loving non-sleeper suppose to do? Well one night I was fortunate enough to come across 'Karen Sisco'. I'd not seen or heard of this show before but it turns out it is based on the character created by Elmore Leonard and portrayed by Jennnifer Lopez in 'Out of Sight' a film I did rather enjoy. This series however doesn't feature J-Lo presumably had better things to do, although judging by the reviews her later films received, I wonder if she may have been better off in this.

So I saw about half an episode, which involved a transexual and dentistry. It seemed pretty good but I'm back at home now where I sleep plenty.

TV Star Bites Homeless Man

So read the newspaper billboards across London yesterday.

One of the few detective shows that I've never seen a single episode of is Jonathan Creek, the BBC show about a crime-solving magician. Judging by that headline, I'm relieved I didn't watch it because the TV Star was none other than Jonathan Creek star, Alan Davies.

And what provoked him into this assault? The man called him Jonathan Creek. And Alan did not like it.

(Presumably the man hadn't been homeless for that long, otherwise he probably wouldn't be so familiar with stars of Saturday night television).

All I Want for Christmas is SVU

I look forward to time off work at Christmas but am always disappointed when regular daytime television (i.e. crime shows aplenty) are forced off the schedule in favour of family films and Christmas specials. So it makes it an ideal time to watch some DVDs instead.

Here’s a list of what I’d like from Father Christmas (or anyone else this year)

1. Remington Steele Season 1
I loved Pierce Brosnan in this when I watched it one summer holiday about 12 years ago. I haven’t seen it since though, so I’m hoping I still like its corniness. I know I’m getting this off one of my sisters but I only asked for the first series in case I don’t like it.

2.. The Complete Morse
We saw this once a few years ago in special edition where it came in a wooden box. It cost £200, which is a lot of money. I did suspect that the OH may have bought me this for Christmas this year, perhaps not in the wooden book edition, but I’ve seen the small gift box he claims contains my presents, so I’m beginning to think it might not be this.

3 Homicide Life on the Street Season 4 onwards
Seasons 2 and 3 were released in quick succession but no sign of Season 4 getting a release in the UK yet. I want to see it and I want to see it now (or sometime after 25th December anyway).

4. Law & Order Special Victims Unit Season 5 onwards
As above – release them on Region 2 DVD pronto.

5. A New Year Schedule of Intelligent Crime Dramas
I would like the BBC and HBO to make something new, exciting and challenging. I can’t survive on Law & Order alone.

6. Sam Waterstone to leave Law & Order
He is dull and rubbish and has been there forever. I demand a new District Attorney.


Ok so the last two aren't strictly speaking DVDs, but I'd still like them. Please.

Surprise Sleuth

Yesterday I watched an episode of Monk and Law & Order SVU, but on top of that, we watched an episode of Fraiser that turned out to involve a bit of sleuthing. Not what you'd normally expect. The episode involved Frasier's father going over an old unsolved case. Frasier takes a look at the evidence too and comes to the conclusion that the monkey did it. Confident that he has solved the riddle, he decided that he should encourage his father's line of thinking in the same direction. As you would expect with Frasier, it doesn't work out exactly as planned and suffice to say, Frasier is not going to become a detective anytime soon.

(although to be honest, his theory made sense to me!)

Inappropriate Timing

I watched a few episodes of the final series of The Sopranos yesterday and then went to bed to watch Law & Order SVU. An episode involving a child possibly being killed during an exorcism and abuse that include running a cheese grater down a child's face. Horrifying stuff. The episode ended somberly, 'Dick Wolf' appeared silently to start the credits before the theme music started. So far so serious as befits the subject matter. But then the Channel 5 announcer cuts through the music with the chirpy announcement that 'Mrs Soandso from Margate has won this week's CSI £5,000 prize draw'. This quite broke the mood and seemed wholly inappropriate - could it not have waited until the titles were up and we'd mulled over the episode's issues? It seems that the television programmes are becoming secondary to the viewers phone-ins and I don't like it.

A little Law & Order

Not been watching much recently, I’m afraid as I’ve been very busy with other things and watching the nonsense that is ‘I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here’ which I seem to have been sucked into for yet another year, despite vowing each time to never watch it again.

I did catch an episode of Law & Order last night that I hadn’t seen before – from the Benjamin Bratt era. It was a disturbing tale (when isn’t it?) of the 13 year old son of a crack addict, who kills an old lady. From initially being a mouthy wannabe gangster, gradually you saw him as a child born into horrible circumstances with no way out. It was rather moving and even Sam Waterston turned in a good performance.

I've got a big decorating project to see to this weekend, plus some family issues, so I'm not sure how much viewing I'll be doing over the next few days, although I do find these shows oddly soothing so perhaps I'll be watching alot.

Enough with the nostalgia

I'm sick of it. All of this looking backwards. Yes, I love the 1960s, a decade before I was even born. I love its music, its fashion, I even write for a website about it. But in the last month I've been overwhelmed the amount of harking back to the past, mainly on account of Facebook. Old friends are popping up all over the place and whilst I'm pleased to receive a quick email saying they are still alive and doing well, that is probably enough. But no, reunions are happening all over the place, where you sit and talk about who kissed who when you were fifteen. Its fine for about ten minutes but then I'm bored. I want to talk about present, the future, the abstract. The past is a finite resource. Move on.

What has this to do with detective programmes, you may well wonder. Not that much really, except last night we watched an episode of T J Hooker on the Screen Gems channel.

The OH is a big fan of the opening titles of T J Hooker, the music and Heather Locklear, so we only intended to take a quick trip down memory lane but there was nothing else on so I thought we may as well watch the whole episode.

It involved some dispute in the trucking industry, with some gangster sabotaging the cargos of an old man and his daughter. The daughter had a pet orang-utan called Venus, who appeared in several scenes in various outfits before anyone even remarked on its presence, as if every trucker had a simian companion.

T J Hooker is very much a product of the 1980s. It was produced by Aaron Spelling, the police cadets wear shockingly short shorts and a big name star (Shatner), attractive blonde (Locklear) and some action scenes were obviously enough in those days to pass as entertainment. There was no mystery to be solved, no psychological element, just a straightforward cop gets bad guy, all done and dusted in 45 minutes.

The OH loved it, harking as it did back to a simpler time. I hated it which is strange considering I love Charlie’s Angels, Remington Steele and a host of other shows that have similar faults. I think it might be down to William Shatner, who is such a ham.

The Bill: Moving Target

Having read about this a few months back, I spotted that this week was the start of The Bill’s groundbreaking interactive storyline. As mentioned before, I’ve not seen The Bill in years. The only characters I recognised were Carver and Smithy, although there were a few more familiar faces with a few refugees from EastEnders and Millie from This Life.

But it wasn’t all the new cops that was different – the dialogue seemed very stilted. I couldn’t decided whether;
a) it had always been like this but my standards are now higher after watching so many great American shows,
b) each clue was being picked over deliberately to draw our attention to them because of the interactive element
c) the actors weren’t very good

I think it may have been a combination of all three.

The story involved the whipping of a young Asian man, a Rock Against Racism concert and a politician very much in the George Galloway mould. It wasn’t really that interesting until the end of the episode when a shooter gunned down the politician and a community leader type. Personally, I’d have rather they’d have gunned down the band that was on the stage before them, who were very much in the Keane mould.

The interactive element is that you could go online after the show finished and browse the case notes and the incident board. I’ve had a quick look at this but can’t see that it is adding anything much to the episode unless you’ve got the memory of a goldfish and need any possible theories spelt out for you. I had thought that the interactivity would have involved audience votes on who to arrest, where to look for clues etc so this seems a little disappointing.

But it is early days with there being another two episodes to go so I’ll probably give it another go next week and have another explore round the website in case there is anything I’ve missed.

Song of the Week: Jane's Addiction "Been Caught Stealing"

Another song about theft! In fact a veritable 'How To' guide to stealing if you what you want to steal is a razor. It doesn't really cover grand larceny.



Completely unrelated to detectives, but the pub I used to frequent in my youth, someone had written 'Perry Farrell is lush' on the door of the ladies' toilet. Was he lush? I'm not sure, but this is a great song nonetheless. Actually if I'd been a better detective, I'd have found out who wrote it but I never did.

Aerial Antics

I've been away for the weekend to my mother's. Despite her weekend viewing habits consisting of alternating between the Hallmark Channel and ITV3, I didn't really watch anything properly as we were chatting, the Morse was one we'd seen, PD James was later installments of a story and the Columbo was yet again one starring Patrick McGoohan.

On Saturday night on returning from the pub, I was determined to watch Law & Order SVU. Unfortunately, the television in the guest bedroom (ok, the spare room - guest bedroom being a tad too grand for a room in a terrace) doesn't have an outside aerial so the reception is sporadic with Channel 5 being the worst. But I was determined (perhaps on account of the lagers) and set about trying to get a picture and sound by moving, twisting, turning, contorting the aerial every which way. After 10 minutes of this exertion, I admitted defeat and threw down the aerial onto the bed. Which produced the best reception!

So I got into bed with the aerial and started to watch the show. Only to fall asleep about 10 minutes later.

Song of the Week: Johnny Cash "Folsom Prison Blues"

The anti-hero narrator of Johnny Cash's song wishes he wasn't in prison, but unlike Michael Schofield (Prison Break), he hasn't come up with a madcap scheme involving tattoos and cyptic clues. Instead he's singing about the state he's in, which is a pretty miserable one, but a marvellous song.

Familiar Faces

Detective programmes are always rich hunting ground for spotting actors known for other things, either before they were famous or after their star has faded. Columbo is the possible exception as in the seventies episodes, they may have got some people while they were in their prime.

One of the Monk double-bill yesterday starred Andrew McCarthy. Sweetly handsome, object of teenage desire, Andrew Carthy here has a cold-hearted philanderer and killer. I would have been shocked had I not already seen this particular episode and already witnessed how age had hardened him. If she could have seen how he'd turned out, Molly Ringwald would surely have stuck with Duckie.

But the big spot of the day came in Law & Order SVU. The Law & Orders are always good for the spotting game - most of the cast of the Sopranos have popped up in it somewhere along the line and a few of The Wire too. But last night's guest was wholly unexpected. The episode, 'Surveillance' involved an attack and stalking of a musician. The first suspect was the conductor, a good-looking man in his fifties with a distinctive drawling voice, who was strangely familiar. The OH didn't recognise him at all. Then inspiration struck - it was Dex Dexter!

Who? You may well ask. Dex Dexter, one-time screen husband of Joan Collins/Alexis Colby in Dynasty, that's who. As a youngest watching Dynasty, I though he was quite dashing although my father assured me he was a dreadful actor, perhaps not in the league of Ken Kercheval, Dallas' Cliff Barnes who was agreed in our household to be the worst actor ever.

Anyway, I was certain it was him which was surprising as I hadn't seen him since the late 80s. On looking him up on IMDB I was proved right. It was Michael Nader. He doesn't seem to have done much since Dynasty besides a stint in All My Children which doesn't get imported to the UK and an episode of Perry Mason that I've yet to see.

Unfortunately, his character wasn't guilty in this case so he disappeared from the screen mid-episode. But it was good to see him again.